I don’t know what to say about 2022 - so much takes place behind the lens of a camera. It has been as much a means of avoidance as it has been of seeking. A desperate measure to stay out of my own troubled mind, and get closer to the life still living around me - hoping to find some ember of it in myself.
I don’t have a highlight reel to offer as proof of this year, but I do have deep gratitude. I owe my life to photography, nature, and searching for sea glass. I owe my life to the fire of advocacy and opportunity that has kept me burning when the dark and the damp of powerlessness sets in. I owe my life to the close friends and family who have no judgment, only love and patience.
And nursing, coming back to it after so long… It has been a hard fight (one that continues on). As much as it takes, nursing also gives, at least when I can hold it in careful balance with my own needs, especially in the current state of healthcare. I love nursing, I love working with patients, I love my colleagues. However, I do not love healthcare at present, nor poor decision-making by those who do not know anything of the front lines.
I keep circling the perimeter, like falling into a gravitational orbit - drawn in and flung back out again... But I am always trying, trying to get back to my personal North Star that is nursing, but the difficulty of that is a story for another day...
What I am most proud of doing this year is simply surviving, and to those who have done the same, all of my love to you. We have fought through things we should never have had to face. We are still here. Still here for the hope of gentler days ahead. Still here for the rise and fall of each moment, like one more breath.
It felt fitting then, to end this year off with finally finding a northern saw whet owl after searching for so long. Little pieces of hope... Now it is just about finding enough of these moments to piece them into a whole.
- S.
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