Where do you go when you no longer trust eating disorder care (as you know it), but have long depended on it (at times being healed by it... at others disabled)?
What do you do when the balance of interdependent relationship dynamics feels so hard to strike in mental healthcare settings - a system of domination contrasted with abandonment?
How do you heal when the costs and benefits of engaging with formal supports or finding your own way are similarly weighted?
How do you process the grief of disillusionment with healthcare whilst working within it and fighting for it?
How do you forgive yourself for feelings of emptiness that take over at times, despite the abundance of good things in your life?
How do you gracefully hold all the truths that exist in any given moment or situation?
If there are anything close to answers, they are not easy and look different for each of us.
I am still finding my own and I have to say that in this season, they feel rather far away.
- S.
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