Jan 8, 20226 min read

A Sanctuary Held in My Mind

The following is an adapted version of an advanced Dialectical Behavioural Therapy (DBT) skill called "safe space visualization." This skill is useful in helping to self-soothe in stressful situations. Please note, I am not a therapist or psychologist, and a trained professional can offer much more assistance with this skill if it sounds useful to you. This is only my experience with this skill and the safe space I have created for myself.

Your mind and body, though incredibly wise in their own ways, often cannot tell the difference between what is actually happening in a given moment, and what our imagination (or old trauma responses) may be telling us, falsely interpreting, or reacting to. Thankfully, when we understand the interconnected nature of our bodies and minds (brains), we have the ability to influence feedback loops and interrupt habitual responses. By focusing on calming our mind, we can signal to our bodies that we are safe and the threat is in the past, even if we do not feel that way. Similarly, we can also use our bodies to send biofeedback to our brains, signaling safety. To work from the mind down, is known as a top-down approach. To work from the body up, is known as a bottom-up approach. Both are effective approaches to coping with distressing situations.

The safe space visualization technique is a top-down approach, but in practicing it, and as our bodies relax, they provide further feedback that we are safe, thus creating a negative feedback loop, and moving the stress response back to a state of equilibrium.

The following is my personal safe space, described through words. It is something I can read and return to if I need a stronger reminder that I am safe in the face of distress. I include it here in case it is helpful for you too, though I also recommend writing your own, with more personal details of a place that brings calm for you.

Some things to consider when exploring your safe space:

Where are you?
Are there any scents that stand out?
What does it feel like - is it warm or cool?
Is it night or day?
A field, a forest, a cozy spot in your home or neighbourhood?
What are the various textures around you? Can you feel them?
What can you hear?
If the landscape is shifting, are there some features that don't change? Features that you can come back to?
Are there different feelings (or degrees of feeling) in different parts of that landscape? Can you make the experience three-dimensional? Can you give yourself room in this space to move back from an area of high energy or anxiety (say a cliff's edge), to a more stable place (a feature of the area that does not change? Like a rock that offers a good lookout, but is far back from the more precarious edge.)

These are just some questions to reflect on if you feel so inclined in creating your own safe space.

There are several places that come to mind when I imagine my safe space, some are in close proximity to each other and others are farther away, where I grew up. I have decided to approach writing this piece in a freeform style, that brings together these various locations, and molds them into an amalgamation of landscapes. The different features of these places offer me different comforts and I have strong memories associated with them, which is important when you are using any grounding technique. That said, there is no right way to do this - it's just about finding what works for you.

My Safe Space

"There is another world, but it is in this one." - W.B. Yeats

If you look just between the cracks of the city, between the rigid boundaries of concrete, glass, and steel... You can find another world, completely unbound, that has been living beside you all along. You do not need to travel far to enter into this world, for it is closer than you might think - superimposed. Your gaze can be settled on the same sight and all that need shift, is your attention.

Between the trees, amidst the tall and swaying grasses - a path appears, descending to the rocky shoreline below. The steps are slick with the salt spray of the sea, whose restless waves beat a steady tune upon the shore. Some come here, to stand at a platform some height above the waves, only to look upon the churning waters briefly before turning back. It is only if you give yourself the grace of presence - true, attuned presence - that you connect with a deeper rhythm here. A rhythm that beats within you (and has all along).

Breathe. The air is cool and blustery, tinged with salt and the faint hint of sulphur - a sign of the richness of these coastal waters. Your lungs fill with the clean, rich air. An awakening stirs in your chest as each molecule of oxygen is carried through your bloodstream by the steady beat of your heart. The coolness of the wind on your face speaks of adventure, and joy begins to fill your body. It is carried through each of your limbs as you descend further toward the shore - a lightness that buoys each step you take.

Listen. The sound of the wind and waves mingle together, their presence carrying you across the rocky shoreline to a sheltered cove, hidden away from the noise of the world above. Gulls swirl overhead, their voices carried by the swift air currents and taken up by the sea, which shares in their exaltations. The waves meeting the shore run their fingers across the stones strewn here from past storms. Each wave wears them further, from stones, to pebbles, to grains of sand. A sculpture made by the wearing away of time.

Your feet beneath you sink into the beach. You are safe to grow your roots here, cradled by the sea and sand. The beach before you is ever-shifting and each time you return to it, a new landscape unfolds. As you learn, you adapt. When at first you might misjudge the tendencies of a higher tide, soon you learn to move with it. Soon you are dancing with the elements - fitting in with the changing features of this place, this sacred space, this small sanctuary of beach.

As you step closer to the edge, the untamed energy of the sea can be hard to judge. The joy of being with the water in this way can be enthralling, but your footing here is more precarious. Sometimes you slip or a wave catches you unprepared. At these times, know you can always return to higher ground, where more remains steady in the face of change.

Along this edge, there is brilliance crafted by the sea - glittering gems that catch the sun's dancing light, revealing deep jewel tones. Glass that was once broken, softened by the ocean's caress. Sharp edges that have been smoothed by time and process. Tumbled over and over in the stormy seas. Here they finally rest upon the beach, awaiting those who only need look long enough to see. The ocean has a power like nothing else, to take what seems broken and shape it into something new.

Step back from the edge, from the startling splash of a rogue wave and find yourself standing upon the high tide line. Strands of kelp lie draped across the shore - shells and driftwood scattered amongst them. Farther still, nearer the bluffs that back this sheltered cove, the trunks of towering trees that once stood on far off shores, lay in their final resting place. A few trunks of old growth are large enough that they no longer shift, even in the strongest of winter storms. Their limbs have long fallen away, their bark peeled and softened to a smooth dove grey. They provide refuge, steadiness, and a place to settle and watch the waves. If you lay upon their lengths, your spine curves to their shape - the perfect place to watch the clouds drifting across the ever-changing sky above. The clouds move quickly here like great sailing shifts who make their way inland. Here you know that even when the brightness of the sun is obscured, it will soon reappear as each trough of atmospheric pressure passes by.

Everything is in transition here and this changeable landscape is the very thing that gives rise to such richness, an echo that is carried from these coastal waters to inland forests in the form of rain and nutrients carried upstream with the salmon who run each season. It is in this place that you can begin to understand that boundaries are not the same as endings. There is life here, there is a new beginning held in the space where one thing moves into another. Take this with you wherever you go: tucked in your pocket for safekeeping. You can run your fingers over these moments, like the smooth surface of glass and shell worn by the sea. A reminder you can trace with touch each time you find yourself in need. You are safe, cradled here by the ocean and shore. Tuned in to a rhythm deeper than the concrete world above. Move with it and you will learn how to transition with the waves, passing through each evolution of your life to come.

- S.